A-Team – Popular American television programme from the eighties about a crack squad of Vietnam veterans on the run from the military police, accused of crimes that they didn’t commit. Members were Face, Mad Murdock, BA Baracus and leader, Hannibal. A typical episode had them blowing people up without killing them and armour plating unlikely vehicles with absolutely no apparent material to hand. PBR

Absolutely Souper – Genuine high street restaurant with at least one branch based in Central Milton Keynes that specialises in soup. I know, if you were down and out soup would be all you would get to eat but once you start earning money you have to pay inflated prices for it. PBR

Anal – In the context of the story, Anal is a sex act in which the man places his erection in the woman’s bottom instead of her vagina. PBR

Antiques in the Attic – One of many day time television programmes on the BBC about antiques in which experts rummage around the contestants houses on the look out for old crap they can sell at auction at inflated prices. Often, the expert quotes an expected selling price for the found object that is so broad that it’s unimpressive. PBR

Babylon 5 - Science fiction TV series from the nineteen nineties set aboard a space station. Created by J. Michael Straczynski. PBR

Banner, Bruce – See Hulk.

Battlestar Galactica - Big budget TV series from the late seventies designed to cash in on the success of Star Wars. Originally shown in the UK at the cinema. The original series ended badly with characters we had never met before finding Earth. More recently, the show has been re-launched with a bleaker feel. PBR

Baracus, BA – Member of the A-Team (see A-Team) played by Mr. T, known for his gold neck chains, Mohican hair cut and abrupt manner. A typical episode of the A-Team would have BA refusing to get onto a plane, being drugged by his team mates with milk and cookies (biscuits) and then waking up confused at the destination. PBR

Blow Job – A sex act in which one partner uses their mouth to suck on the other’s erection. According to playground based sexperts, actually blowing can result in air bubbles entering the blood stream, which can then travel to the heart resulting in the blowee's death. PBR

Cock-Ring - Piece of circular jewellery worn through a piercing in the –ahem – penis. Ow! PBR

Connelly, Jennifer – Beautiful, beautiful actress who played Betty Ross in the Ang Lee Hulk movie. I first saw her when she appeared in the film Labyrinth in 1986. She was beautiful then and she’s beautiful today. She’s married to some English idiot. Some English idiot other than me. PBR

Cooper, Tommy – Very popular British comedian best known for his 'failing' magic tricks and for wearing a fez. Often claimed that his top lip was leaking or that his teeth were itchy. In 1984, he collapsed on stage in front of a live television audience and died ten minutes later on his way to hospital. His influence on British comedy is still apparent today. PBR

Daleks – Cyborg race and deadly enemy of Dr. Who (see Who, Dr.). Daleks shout hateful words, like ‘exterminate’, in an electronic, shrill voice. Although apparently being the deadliest race in the universe, they have been mocked for being unable to get up the stairs. This was rectified in an episode of Dr Who broadcast in 2005 which saw them flying around like bastards. PBR
This was rectified in an episode of Doctor Who broadcast in 1985 when Davros flew about a bit (Revelation Of the Daleks) and again in 1988 when a Dalek chased Sylvester McCoy up some stairs at the climax of the first episode of Remembrance Of The Daleks. Ford

Double Penetration – A sex act in which one partner, the woman,  takes two erections, one in her vagina and the other in her behind, at the same time. Usually only takes place in pornographic films. PBR

Emmerdale – Popular British soap opera set in a village in the Yorkshire Dales. Known previously as Emmerdale Farm, it was often joked at that time how uneventful it was. During the early nineties however, it was re-launched with the tasteless Locherby inspired plot which saw an aeroplane crash on the village. Later, the transformation of the show was completed when it was renamed. PBR

FHM – Abbreviation for For Him Magazine. Contains articles and features of interest to men, such as on sports, clothes and cars. Also, contains photos of naked women, yet its readers are less embarrassed about being seen with a copy of this than they are with a copy of Mayfair or Men Only. PBR

Godzilla – An underrated modern myth, the subtext of which deals with Japan’s emotional state over America’s bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki or some bloke in an ill fitting, rubber, lizard suit, running around a miniature replica city? You decide. PBR

Hand Relief – No, not a medical treatment for RSI (Repetitive Strain Injury) but another sex act. One partner rubs the other’s genitals with their hand until they orgasm. PBR

Healey, Dennis – Chancellor of the Exchequer for the Labour government of the 1970s. Stormed off the TVAM set during the eighties live on air while being offensively quizzed by Anne Diamond about paying for his wife to have private health care. Had very bushy eyebrows. PBR

Hulk – Green skinned monster, muscle man, comic character created by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby. When Bruce Banner loses his temper, he turns into the Hulk and smashes the place up. Was made into a popular TV series during the seventies and a high budget movie directed by the acclaimed Ang Lee a few years ago. Although flawed, I liked it.

Jack The Ripper – One of the many inventions from the Victorian era that England gave to the world is serial killing. Jack the Ripper slaughtered four hard working prostitutes. His real identity remains a mystery to this day. PBR

Kira Nerys, Major – Bajoran representative to Star Fleet and second in command of Deep Space Nine (DS9 being the best of all the Star Trek TV shows). She regularly shagged at least one priest, gave birth to Chief O'Brien's baby and committed many acts of terrorism against those dirty Cardassians. Played by Nana Visitor; which goes to show that American Star Trek actors often have dafter names than the characters that they play. PBR

Luthor – First name Lex, in this instance. See Superman. PBR

Man-With-a-Van - Every British town probably has one; some bloke who advertises in a local paper that he will move stuff about for you in his van (usually white). It cost me £10 to get my futon sofa bed move from one side of Milton Keynes to the other... but that was ten years ago. PBR

Marks & Spencer – Upmarket chain store that sells clothes and food. I once saw a try of loose apples in a branch, all of which had been individually priced. PBR

Mary Jane – Super model wife of everyman superhero, Spider-man. PBR

Milton Keynes - Thirty eight year old new town in the midlands or south east of England (depending on your point of view). Milton Keynes is often considered a national joke, and is regarded as being a town without a soul. This is probably because it was initially designed by a bunch of idealistic hippies during the sixties. I've lived there for twenty four years. PBR

Mobile - In this context, refers to a mobile phone or 'cell' phone. PBR

Murdock, Mad - Member of the A-Team (see A-Team) played by Dwight Schultz. War had driven Murdock mad. Fortunately for those that hired the A Team, the affects of Vietnam made him kooky and off the wall and not in any way threatening, scary or suicidal. PBR

Na-nu na-nu – Alien greeting used by Mork from Ork played by Robin Williams in the seventies sit-com, Mork and Mindy. PBR

Odo, Constable – Head of security on Deep Space Nine (DS9 being the best of all the Star Trek TV shows). Odo could change his shape, very much like the monster from Terminator 2, only, due to budget restrictions, did it less often. Odo was in love with Major Kira Nerys but, due to being an uptight so-and-so, didn't express his feelings to her until season seven. Played by Rene Auberjonois. PBR

Samaritans – Twenty four hour telephone service staffed by volunteers for the depressed and suicidal. Named after the New Testament parable, The Good Samaritan. In it, some bloke from a place thought to be full of arseholes helps a man from a rival town that has had the shit kicked out of him by robbers who left him for dead. PBR

Sci-Fi – Widely used shortening of the term Science Fiction. A genre of story which, at its best, uses up to date scientific development and theory to create speculative fiction and, at its worse, provides lazy excuses for contrived, big budget, effects heavy Hollywood movies. PBR

Spar, The – Convenience store usually found on housing estates or on street corners. Very handy for pints of milk, cans of lager and newspapers when in a hurry. PBR

Star Wars – Hugely popular and, let’s face it, overrated series of films created by George Lucas. Lucas has a round head but has grown and trimmed a beard to affect a chin. PBR

Superman – The very first superhero created by Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster. His powers may vary depending on the era but generally he can fly, lift heavy objects and burn stuff with his eyes. Deadliest enemy is Lex Luther who fell out with Superman after blaming him for turning him bald. (I can understand that). PBR

TARDIS - Doctor Who's time travel machine which is bigger on the inside  than on the outside and looks like an old fashioned police telephone call box. It was once established to be infinitely big on the inside which begs the question, how did Peter Davidson manage to jettison twenty five percent of it in that episode once? After all, twenty five percent of infinity is infinity, right? PBR

Tesco's – Hugely successful supermarket chain that has both small stores in the heart of the community and huge out of town stores which sells things like electrical goods, clothes and cordless drills in addition to food. PBR

Virgin Megastore – Chain store belonging to self made millionaire Richard Branson. Virgin sells DVDs and CDs. Much better than HMV, who wouldn’t allow me to exchange a CD that time, even though I bought it from there, just because I didn’t have a receipt. PBR

Water Sports – Another sex act more commonly seen in pornography than in real life. One partner urinates on the other. Yuk. PBR

Who, Dr – First broadcast by the BBC in 1963. Most memorable for his time travelling machine, the TARDIS (which is bigger on the inside than the outside), and for the ingenious way that that the writers found for replacing one actor with another (the Doctor ‘regenerates’ into a new person with an entirely different personality). To the dismay of many viewers, the programme was cancelled in 1988 but returned to television in 2005 to both critical and commercial success. PBR
The programme was cancelled in 1989, returned as an American co-produced TV pilot staring Paul McGann in 1996 that, despite getting over 9 million viewers in Britain, failed to make much of an impression in America and never went to series. It then returned to TV in 2005... Ford

Wolverton Bloomer - Genuine statue of a genuine train outside of Central Milton Keynes train station. Unveiled by Jon Pertwee in 1991. In fact, the real Cliff, Ford, actually pushed his replica dalek all the way from Conniburrow to the station on two of its three wheels to show him. PBR